Military Monday | Dom’s Interview

 

This blog series – Military Monday – is something I’m really excited about. I can’t wait to highlight the many women that help make the military community a great place to be. Some women are experienced, some are new and hesitant, but we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves, and it benefits everyone when we support each other!

Hello and welcome to my second Military Monday post! I am honored to introduce my good friend Dom! She is Australian and I first heard her voice at a Spouses Club (Hui) Luncheon (and eavesdropped for a few minutes just to hear the music in it)! The first time I actually met her was at the Hui Book Club, where I saw her monthly for the next year or so. Soon after, my husband took command of a Battery in the same Battalion that Dom’s husband was in, so we got to spend more time together. Thanks for sharing your story with us today, Dom!

What is your favorite part of being married to a man in the U.S. Army?

Being able to live in different places and enjoy the US for the diverse, beautiful land she is. We have lived in Ft Drum, Silicon Valley, Paris France, Hawaii and now West Point NY. Not actually being American I guess I see things with very different eyes and I really do love it. I find snow and the fall fascinating and beautiful.

Do you feel a responsibility to volunteer at every unit your husband is in?

I do, although I have learned that as much as I want to jump in, there are seasons. Our first year of marriage my husband was in Iraq. I volunteered all over the place from not for profit military organizations to Army Family Team Building to leading an FRG…. because I could. Life has changed since then quite a lot. I think the key is to be realistic and clear in your own mind of what you are and are not comfortable in doing, what works for your family and what you honestly have time for. There is nothing worse than working with someone who resents the task at hand or is so stressed out that everything becomes a chore.

What major challenges have you faced and how did you overcome them?

I am Australian. Shortly after we were married, my husband deployed. I didn’t have a green card yet and we didn’t live on post. I had to learn how to drive on the opposite side of the road, in snow, on ice and through a white out. I learned that Americans break every driving rule when cutting across car parks (parking lots) which left me more confused. Being in Ft Drum I learned an awful lot in that first year about northern winter, and I had to change my mind from metric to imperial (standard).  I had to navigate the DMV, the INS, and relearn “living” in the U.S. When you live in a country your whole life of course you know the emergency number (Australia is 000), how to call directory assistance (information), you understand the tax system, how wages work, the political system, how to vote, how to write a resume… basically all the things that make you an adult I had to re-learn or at least gain some vague understanding of, and my husband was deployed so I couldn’t just ask him!

I had two or three close friends who really helped me before I could drive and with those administration details… and especially military wife kinds of things in that first year. Friends who would check in on me and understood that even though I spoke (arguably) the same language that there were several culture clashes going on, Australian vs. U.S. culture, Civilian vs. Army, working to not working, learning military spouse machinations, etc. I did “get out there” and as much as it was difficult, I am so glad for the experience. I met people who were kind and supportive who I know are life-long friends. I also met those I’m happy to leave in the past where they belong but that’s life in general too!

What life achievement are you most proud of?

It may sound clichéd but it’s the truth… our three cheeky kids!

What’s the last book you read?

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. I’m part of an online book club that is made of previous members of my all time favourite Spouses activity club. The book is a little out there but a good fast read.

Do you have any advice for ladies that are just marrying a Soldier, or their husband is just joining the Army?

Get out there. Don’t stay in the house! Venture out to things you enjoy, the gym, bible study, working, volunteering, spouse social clubs, etc. Actually attend an FRG meeting before you decide you don’t want to be part of it. Get to know other spouses in your soldier’s unit. There are times your soldier will be busy and sometimes will have to leave you to train or deploy. The friends you make will make those times bearable.

Has there ever been a time where you took a needed break from being involved and volunteering?

Yes. After all this time I am very careful what I commit to. There has only been one volunteering situation in the wider spouse world (not related to unit volunteering) I committed to that I ended up resigning from. The reality is, you ARE replaceable. It might not feel right at first when you say that out loud but it’s true and it’s liberating. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have let the side down. If you are considering stepping down from a commitment, I suggest you try to find your own replacement or train your eventual replacement. If (as in my case) your spouse sits you down and points out that your skills are being used in a way that is detrimental to your family time and you are truly not being recognized or valued, if a situation is toxic… it is more than ok to pull the plug and find something better suited to you.

What is the worst part about moving?

Explaining to the kids that they will have to leave their friends, teachers, church, clubs and activities that they love. Also losing your own networks of hair dressers, doctors, specialists and friends.

What advice can you give about the ins and outs of PCSing?

This is a bit of a mind scramble but here goes… Get rid of as much bulk as you can before the packers get there. We still occasionally open a box that hasn’t been open for a long time and it’s like a time capsule, fascinating but rather useless. If you haven’t noticed the stuff in the box was missing you don’t need it or you’ve replaced it already.

I also say this after driving from L.A. to N.Y. with three kids under 6, a dog and my husband… Travel light. Make sure you have your life documents (don’t forget kids vaccination cards and pet shot records!) on your person. Don’t stress too much about plane rides with the kids, they feed off your anxiety. Also talk to them at length about the trip, i.e. what the route is, where you will stop, who and what you might see on the way.

Be nice to your packers, but don’t distract them. Let them make a “treasure chest” which is clearly marked on the packing box. The kids thought it was fantastic that we quickly found their toys and let them open and play with them the first day the packers were here. It made the changes a little more comfortable for them.

What is your best memory of being with family or friends while your husband was training or deployed?

Enjoying my first EVER U.S. Thanksgiving with my husband’s family in Indiana. It was amazing! I took great care to learn what was normal American Thanksgiving fare and I am pretty good at putting together a Holiday spread now. Pumpkin spice smell and spiced apple smell take me back to that first fall! The fall where I grew up in Sydney wasn’t ever cold enough to make the leaves change and people would drive hours to get to the southern highlands to see the leaves change so it was pretty special for me all around!

What is your favorite Army memory?

I have two.

The first is when after 9 months my husband came home on R&R. My daughter had taken the deployment especially hard. We were changing the kids out of their pjs and into their clothes when she turned to me and said “Mummy, my Daddy came home, he REALLY came home!” It was so sweet and innocent. After that, he went back to Iraq and she was a different child. She finally believed me that I had been telling the truth, he WAS going to come home after all.

The second was the chaos in the hangar when the General dismissed the troops at the last redeployment/reunion in Hawaii. Watching all of these families scramble to put their arms around their loved one and know they were safe was amazing. It was highly emotional, frantic and joyous!